CBC Interview

I had an interesting day today.  With Psychology and Mental Awareness as the focus for February I have been contacted by a lot of great organizations to start sharing my story on a larger scale.  I haven't so much had time to consider what it is I'm doing yet it seems.  Until today.

I have spent 10 years hiding from Mental Illness.  Don't get me wrong, it's not as though I have been able to avoid it, but I have mastered living in solitude with it.  Until very recently only a select few of my friends and family have known the extent of my "suffering".  The fear of the "stigma" has always been on my mind.  The absolutely crippling fear.  Words like failure, shame and embarrassment have always been how I related to my illness.  The self criticism has always been enough to convince me the world would see me the same way.  After all,  this very thought is why I decided to start sharing my journey.  If I can share my story, speak the truth, come out of hiding, perhaps I can be a small part of what will eventually help stop the stigma that comes with living with Mental Illness.

This being said, today I panicked.  I have spoken to schools, small groups, teachers and parents, but I have yet to be faced with the magnitude of choosing to break my silence.  The OPA (Ontario Psychological Association) have asked me to speak at a public forum at Ryerson on the topic of living with Anxiety and Depression and how I have learned to cope.  In addition, several media outlets were contacted to publicize the evening as well as to provide more information during the month of February.  CBC happened to be the first of several interviews that have been arranged.  Today, as I sat waiting for the journalist to arrive I found myself doubting this decision for the first time.  I was sitting there thinking, "I could just keep hiding, not that many people know yet and I could make what I've done so far disappear."  Not the greatest line of thinking when such a recognizable media provider is headed in my direction ready to capture my story on video to stream to the world.

I fought this feeling for a couple of hours.  I was listening to myself answer the questions and I was so aware of how much emotion this brought on.  Until I was asked this, "what advice would you give somebody who found themselves where you were ten years ago?"

I heard myself answer before I had a chance to think, "There is hope!"

At that moment, I felt such a calm come over me.  This all made perfect sense to me.  My mom sent me an email before my interview today, it said "...you are going to do great.  I just wish you had somebody like you ten years ago when you were going through it..."  I've been given a chance to share my story for a reason, and I am so grateful for that.