Sometimes the most simple of concepts get beyond our daily lives. I just signed onto Facebook and saw a friends status change in my news feed, it read; "Remember why you play." Now this friend happens to be a teammate of mine and I can likely deduce from this that she may be referring to hockey but for some reason this evoked emotions beyond that for me. Not that I often "forget hockey" but for the argument of where this just took me I'm putting it aside.
Remember why.
It's such an important reminder and although "practice what you preach" hits about as high on the cliche metre as I can get, it's something I sometimes lose in the chaos of daily life. Sometimes we forget. We start to get complacent in our routines and forget why.
Why do I get up and go to work in the morning? Why do I message with my friends throughout the day? Why do the I use the words I love you? Why did I decide to share my story and recount some of the worst moments of my life? Why do I take time to just be alone with myself?
It takes one simple reminder, remember why.
Because finally, I can.
I am so grateful on this journey that I seem to be meeting all of the most incredible people and continue to be inspired each and every day. Thank you.
16.8.11
9.6.11
Chaos
I often find a place of peace and calm when I allow myself to write. It takes different forms, different shapes. I sit here tonight in contemplation of this journey and found these words on the screen in front of me, so I chose to share them with you;
Find me here in my words
I lay them out for you
Scattered in the order
of my chaos
I reach to you in silent
Screams
Carried on the gentle breeze
of a breath
Escaping my lungs
With the force of
a thousand secrets
Untold in fear
Spelling out a world
Misunderstood
Find me here
under this street light
Illuminate the honesty
of my hope
And embrace me in your
Ignorance
Born of my shame
Let's share this story
and meet under a painted sky
In a world
Welcoming the
distance covered
by the words
I offer you
Find me here in my words
I lay them out for you
Scattered in the order
of my chaos
I reach to you in silent
Screams
Carried on the gentle breeze
of a breath
Escaping my lungs
With the force of
a thousand secrets
Untold in fear
Spelling out a world
Misunderstood
Find me here
under this street light
Illuminate the honesty
of my hope
And embrace me in your
Ignorance
Born of my shame
Let's share this story
and meet under a painted sky
In a world
Welcoming the
distance covered
by the words
I offer you
14.5.11
Too Many Words, Thank You
I feel a rant coming on, yet recognize ranting is not the most effective way of blogging. This being said, I will aim for a controlled rant and hope in the end some valid notion of my intention is obvious.
I have spent the last two and a half weeks speaking with students of the Toronto Catholic District School Board and their Stop the Stigma program. So let me start with this, an incredible program with such great intentions and one that needs to go viral in concept to all students, parents and teachers to help break the Stigma that imprisons those struggling to deal with mental health issues.
Although I could spend a day praising this program and another week talking about all of the great people I have met over the past few weeks and the discussions that resulted; I feel this taking on another life. I would like to share the journey this has put me on, revisiting the pain, the isolation and ultimately reaffirming the hope and happiness that is my life now.
At the end of each of my presentations I am often posed questions by students and teachers. The questions range from personal and difficult to Stanley Cup predictions, go Vancouver! However after these questions wrap up and the assembly disperses I am often left with a handful of people who have much more personal matters to discuss. The courage they show in approaching me is incredible and beyond that, the absolute honour I feel to be in a position to offer support to these people is phenomenal.
But something happens every time this moment comes, I am forced to consider with every ounce of my being how I can speak from understanding and not recovery. I have to revisit that feeling of isolation and torment. I feel my chest tighten and my throat burn with the threat of tears. It's such a welcomed invasion.
I know that seems odd. Welcoming the desperation that put me through hell for so long but it is in those moments, knowing that I am able to "feel" with an absolute solidarity the sense of helplessness that drives these people to share with me, that I am made to realize how real the hope we are in search of truly is! In the span of a question I am able to place myself in the same state that "sentenced" me for so long, a state I had embraced as my fate and something I had for a long time failed to believe I could overcome.
I guess looking in from a place of strength offers perspective, but allowing myself to sit next to despair and truly remember where the words are coming from is what inspires me the most. I am amazed by every one of you that I have been blessed to meet on this journey. You continue to push me to better myself and offer a support and understanding that I can only hope you feel in return.
I have spent the last two and a half weeks speaking with students of the Toronto Catholic District School Board and their Stop the Stigma program. So let me start with this, an incredible program with such great intentions and one that needs to go viral in concept to all students, parents and teachers to help break the Stigma that imprisons those struggling to deal with mental health issues.
Although I could spend a day praising this program and another week talking about all of the great people I have met over the past few weeks and the discussions that resulted; I feel this taking on another life. I would like to share the journey this has put me on, revisiting the pain, the isolation and ultimately reaffirming the hope and happiness that is my life now.
At the end of each of my presentations I am often posed questions by students and teachers. The questions range from personal and difficult to Stanley Cup predictions, go Vancouver! However after these questions wrap up and the assembly disperses I am often left with a handful of people who have much more personal matters to discuss. The courage they show in approaching me is incredible and beyond that, the absolute honour I feel to be in a position to offer support to these people is phenomenal.
But something happens every time this moment comes, I am forced to consider with every ounce of my being how I can speak from understanding and not recovery. I have to revisit that feeling of isolation and torment. I feel my chest tighten and my throat burn with the threat of tears. It's such a welcomed invasion.
I know that seems odd. Welcoming the desperation that put me through hell for so long but it is in those moments, knowing that I am able to "feel" with an absolute solidarity the sense of helplessness that drives these people to share with me, that I am made to realize how real the hope we are in search of truly is! In the span of a question I am able to place myself in the same state that "sentenced" me for so long, a state I had embraced as my fate and something I had for a long time failed to believe I could overcome.
I guess looking in from a place of strength offers perspective, but allowing myself to sit next to despair and truly remember where the words are coming from is what inspires me the most. I am amazed by every one of you that I have been blessed to meet on this journey. You continue to push me to better myself and offer a support and understanding that I can only hope you feel in return.
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